Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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