why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
