Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
