you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
