We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize