actually, I'm a sock model
I wish my penis had an off switch
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
