Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woke up backwards on a recliner
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
