I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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