I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
