She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
