I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
