someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
