You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
