Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
