thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
