It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
