what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You took a bar mat shot.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
