A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
