do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize