so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
my liver is dry heaving
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
