a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
