We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
