no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
