I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
