the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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