Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
