And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
