I feel like I'm in dance class right now
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she peed on how many people?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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