yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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