my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
