M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
