You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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