I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
