Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You may now shotgun with the bride
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Someone came in the potted fern
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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