I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
