I wannas sexs uuuuu
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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