matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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