I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We got so high we made milksteak
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
