So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
