He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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