Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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