I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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