would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize