Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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