Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
