I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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