Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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