What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
