She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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