Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
