Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
