i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
