Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am midnight drunk by noon
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
