please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
