So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Floor bacon is actually really good
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
