I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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