ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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