i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
