i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
