My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
are you so shy because you have an std?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
