i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
