but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
