i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
