my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize