if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
