hotel room ftw
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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