I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize