1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
