in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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