We got so high we made milksteak
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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