the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we should paint friendship bongs
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
