I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
