I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
