You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
My vagina is officially offended.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
