Well apparently he's into motor boating.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Randomize
