This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
