I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
