i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
