it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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