beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
