Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
