I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
please don't ironically join a cult
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