Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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