Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
