I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
