final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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