well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
