From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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