im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
