Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
