Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
