There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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