I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
